Poetry and art as a healing mechanism ..

I have moved house and even after being here for 8 months I'm still sorting and unpacking some of my storage stuff. Sorting and rearranging my studio because it just doesn't quite fit how I'd like ...not as user friendly as I'd prefer which means I don't use it as much and that is a sure sign of not being comfortable. 

So this week I am taking time to rearrange and sort more of my stash of bits n bots gems beads bolts driftwood paints tools paper supplies ephemera etc etc etc . .. Do you have a big stash of toys n tools that you love.?

Going through one box that's been in storage for a few years I've come across old notes, scribbled designs, some sketches and some poetry and musings on my life at the time. 

Poetry through the pain... Hmm maybe that should have been my title for this post? Oh well ..

I studied art therapy a few years ago and found it to be a thoroughly fascinating form of therapy and psychology... Utilizing our subconscious minds to tap into our deep seated emotions fears pain passions etc. . To communicate those feelings without sitting in a bleak bland office and "telling" someone about it ,which can be difficult at the best of times, this form of psychotherapy allows things to come about in a far more gentle and supported way without the pressure to dig up what hurts and divulge your deepest darkest secrets.

So whilst unpacking I found a couple of old poems I thought I'd share with you all.

I was escaping a very treacherous volatile relationship with a fine upstanding pillar of the business world and local community and it had taken its toll over many years... The bruises aren't always visible but believe me they are there. 

Just a warning it may not be "pretty" but it's real raw and passionate and writing it helped me pour out some of the pain onto the paper instead of keeping it secret and bottled up inside.

I have reached the threshold of what I can contain 

Too many bitter comments have pierced and penetrated my brain

I don't meet your stranglehold stringent criteria 

I'm treated like a child,when you abuse me, in a wild hysteria.

Yet my feelings and emotions are valid 

My feelings and emotions are real

If i could escape, have peace and space I'd find that freedom and learn to heal 

A big warm family home to call my own 

The ability to start again, be the me I've always known 

All I want is to be myself and to help others in this world

A place to be, a sanctuary ...where I can be strong valid happy and free

I don't wan to be your whipping boy or indeed your whipping girl

I want to be seen and loved just for me not a piece of useless rubbish, but a unique and valuable pearl

I am not so ruined as you say to be discarded and tossed away, onto a rubbish pile

I'm just a woman who's been torn apart and is broken down inside

I want to be able to breathe again to be excited by life, be happy and to smile

Not the person who cops abuse who hurts so bad she feels no use and wants to curl up and die

I'm torn between starting and believing in my goals and dreams 

To ridding the earth and the universe of my rotten and broken soul, to let my pain my sadness my shame at last become unseen..

Behind the mask and facade of my strength and my happy go lucky smile

Is a woman who shattered like a broken vase a broken little child

I'm trying to recycle that broken glass

To rebuild my splintered soul and shattered heart

Like a teddy bear with its arm ripped of and it's stuffing pulled apart

Part of me (very small indeed) believes I deserve and need a start

No more yelling no more pain no more false accusations and hurtful blame

I want to be a happy free successful me and to be no longer drained.

So there it is poetry through the pain... I'm still healing and sometimes those that have such an emotional stranglehold on us aren't so quick to let the power and control over us go but I'm in an infinitely better place than I was back then.

Even through the massive trauma of surviving that relationship I'm grateful in some ways for the experience though ..... um universe if it's ok with you now I think I've learnt enough about bad relationships abuse betrayal deception neglect abandonment and controlling guys now to last an infinity so let's move on to some happy lessons now please. ;-)

When things aren't right with you or your inner or outer world what do you do ? What is your outlet ? 

Do you paint do you write do you dance do you fight ...what is your outlet ? 

I truly hope you all have one or are able to find a way ... Don't bottle it up inside, please don't do that dear readers because it leads to the inevitable ... A breakdown and that takes years to recover from and in some very sad cases there is no recovery as people feel there is no hope and take their own lives. .. I know I tried. 

So here I am a survivor of sorts who feels that even with the unfortunate heavy ugly "Stigma" still associated with emotional breakdowns ,suicide attempts and mental health issues it's best to be honest and speak openly about these things ... Maybe just maybe by not hiding my experiences it will help someone else. I still carry that guilt and shame but am trying day by day to not let it define me or worry about others judgements of my past, because lets be honest that haven't lived my life or my pain, they haven't lived yours so don't let society define you or box you up and label you as faulty or inferior.

I have found that by expressing my pain through my art I am better able to deal with it...not having family as such or family I've been able to rely on or share my experiences with my art has been my only steadfast ally in life, well that and training at the gym oh and of course let's not forget the delightful serotonin hit of  chocolate ;-)

There seems to be a lot more awareness of emotional and mental health issues today than there were years ago where poor little children were institutionalized in adult psychiatric wards simply for rocking the selves to sleep in orphanages and government homes. 

We have come a long way ... But we still have a way to go in supporting people suffering that silent agonizing ache of depression and speaking openly without shame or fear of job loss or reprisals. 

So if you are experiencing that haunting isolation of depression or traumatic automatic full  HD colour sound replay of painful events in your life through the challenge of  PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) Or in fact any mental health issue I urge you to find a healthy way of expressing your hurts haunts and harrowing experiences maybe through music art singing dancing fitness or meditation... 

If you don't have the support of family or friends and find yourself alone in this world at the moment please know you are never truly alone, trust me others are feeling your pain somewhere out there and if we all  try to connect we can help heal each other.

If you are alone don't let that stop you from reaching out or asking for help as hard as that can be.. try the anonymous ether of the Internet ...there are many helpful websites avail now that can be of benefit....  Google Beyond blue, The black dog institute, Lifeline, Grow.net.au, headspace etc...

A simple type into google of online mental health support rings up a plethora of sites to look into. 

Well dear readers I bid you adieu for now and wish you peace health happiness and abundance.

Grow those wings of yours and fly...

My mixed media art...

Just a few quick pics of some of my art. The first is an acrylic on canvas
( unmounted ) Nurture.
The feeling if being wrapped in a mothers love ( I lost my mum at age two ) so I have an indian spirit filling in for her and her arms are replaced by wings..
To lift us up ? To help us soar ?
What does if make you feel when you envisage yourself in the child's place ?
Next is a great image and quote I was sent by a friend. So hard to make that leap of faith isn't it. ?
When my day was blue and empty yesterday I gave myself timeout. I sat down with a chill out herbal tea mix
of camomile, lavender and three different mints to soothe my sad stressed soul and to try to create and let out some urghh ( lol, technical term for feeling crappy depressed and generally in a funk ).
Well it worked because I decided to use my nice Moroccan table and one of my colorful glasses ( green for new beginnings ). Then sat and started reading/flipping through a great book called "Unfurling, a mixed media workshop by Misty Mawn. " (inspirations and techniques for self expression through art.) what a great title and description.
I've had it in my collection of mixed media books for a while now but today she jumped out at me. To just sit and be inspired if I wasn't up to reading it though and that's exactly what happened. Thanks Misty :) just reading the first few pages then randomly flicking to a page near the back and I was away. Expression for my soul.
I was full of the usual critical judgements of my work and abilities but somehow I got through and finished my girl in just under an hour.
She's quite vibrant and not how I was feeling at all, she was braver and wilder than me, with her exotic tribal feather neck piece replete with rubies I might add. Wild curly reddish hair and butt nekkid under her butterfly chest plate and delicately placed heart.
Be memorable adorns her neck and chest like a tattoo declaring her uninhibited wildness to the world.
Memorable she is there's no doubt about that. ;) she certainly must have read the profound book "Women who run with wolves " byClarissa Pinkola Estes.
It's funny how our subconscious works, I was unable to relate to what I drew and painted at first, then it hit me.. That's the design I'd been thinking of for a new range of necklaces in my jewelry line.
Bold Tribal feather adorned neck pieces, exotic & vibrant with semi-precious stones beaded onto them.
Now to sit and make my necklaces.
Hopefully I'll have some images to post on those soon.

The last image is of an old sketch and poem from a few years back. In an old and not so healthy relationship. Toxic I guess but it had its beauty too.
I'm thinking of revisiting her and the poem by doing an art journal piece where I can add colour and take my time with the handwriting and placement of the poetry.
It's nice to look back on our art .. For me it's like a journal filled with secrets sorrows dreams and loves of long ago.
I used to be so full I needed to just get the images and poems out and not worry about the look. But now I feel better equipped to take those jumbled outpourings and make then sing with a little but more light and expressive colour and creativity.
Well I've been up now since 2:23 am and my morning alarm has just gone of reminding me to get up and go for a run with my puppy Miss Penelope.
Wow 6 am already sheesh I'm going to need a nanna nap today.
So cheers and happy hippy hugs for now until we meet again.
Gypsy Mel x

Back from the brink..

Hi all, sorry to have taken sooo very long between posts. Life just seemed to take over with much stress and business that needed attending that I felt I had no time to post. Well that and my depression being a little to overpowering in the "I feel utterly useless and crap" state.
Hmm not sure how to feel about letting down my mask of ( I'm great life's great and I'm always happy smiling peaceful and full of vigor ).
Vulnerability is a scary place, to think nothing of sharing it with the "interwebby world of forever" complete with our very judgmental society.
I've decided you get to see me warts and all anyway because maybe just maybe I can make a success of myself and in doing so be a beacon of light to others, in the darkness and despair that envelopes you when you live with depression. What if...just what if I could be the fragile but strangely strong, ( juxtaposing conundrum if ever there was one lol ), real me and some of you liked me anyway ? What if my being brutally painfully honest helped others to accept and be themselves ?
To help other hurt souls to express themselves through art and join me on a healing journey.
Well wouldn't that be spectacular ? :)
I'd love to help, to inspire to encourage and to help break the stigma surrounding mental health.
I've been a personal trainer and massage therapist for many years. Concerned mostly with the physical body I've helped others to lose weight, get fit, recover from injury, soothe stressed sore tired aching muscles, relieve pain in seized backs and impinged nerves, achieve goals and to shed kilos of fat ... But what if it was darkness, despair, regret, guilt, pain, trauma, abuse, hurt, loss, torment, self critical thinking and other negative emotions and mental baggage they lost instead ?
A few years ago that's why I started my studies in a remarkable but not often talked about field - Art Therapy.
Practiced by both Jung and Freud and part of psychology practices throughout the eons but still not widely accepted of even heard of socially.
No it's not the study of art and making art or artists happier as is one of many common misconceptions, it is a way of approaching your problems and emotional trauma through the subconscious.
A non threatening non verbal way to communicate your hurts, worries, fears traumas and stresses etc. My most pulling thought was of its myriad uses with abused children and I soon discovered its immense success historically in that field.
One of my senior lecturers uses it to great success in palliative care, mostly with children and their families dealing with terminal illness. The healing that comes about through artistic expression and release is astonishing. You don't need to be an artist or to have any particular skills sets or abilities, just an open and willing heart and mind.
Now I won't delve to much into art therapy and it's practices and uses right now only to say that " art heals "
Anyone can do it .. It doesn't have to be good, great or a masterpiece, it just has to come from your heart. Don't we all need to just let go a little more in this busy stressful hectic crazy world.
Below is a beautiful piece of art I found by Belinda Chlouber from www.tenfingers.com she doesn't discuss art therapy in any way but she does share her inspiration for this painting. It's titled Bones and is based in her mothers poem "An act of memory", here she states her mothers Parathyroid and her father in laws Alzheimer's diseases as compounding her contemplation of memory.
Beautiful work, incredibly moving and tender.
So there it is..art heals even when we aren't deliberately trying to.
We can all express ourselves in creative ways.. Be it dancing, drawing , cooking, singing, silversmithing, writing, painting, beading, building, designing, decorating our homes or any other myriad of ideas
We can all access ways of self expression and it doesn't have to cost a thing .. Turn up the radio and dance in your lounge-room when things get tuff or the bills pile up, make origami from the junk mail in your letterbox, draw, paint or collage on free local newspapers, sure it won't make the problems go away miraculously but it will clear your head so you can better cope with attending to those issues.

The new and improved me is really the raw honest quirky arty hippy gypsy girl with a few broken feathers in my wings.
I can still fly if I try but it may not look as good. ;) and I've let the dust accumulate for far far too long.
Hmmm time to dance ?? :)